To die may be better

Boredom kicks in and I found myself reminiscing
I keep conversing with myself in parables
A valiant effort to save my ego from tripping
Maybe I am crazy?
Or my spiritual needs restoring?
I am a grown woman now maybe I am in need of sexual healing
To die may be better

As I am exhausted from holding meditation to rid myself of this feeling
I am different...
I am strange ...
Maybe I am an alien disguised as an earthling
Searching for a reason to justify this nothingness
Maybe I’m still scared of lonely and deep within I am hurting
I feel like a square in your circle as these lines no longer fit
To die may be better

As the last time I was this frustrated was when I was seven
I could not form the 'A' in penmanship
You have me talking to myself trying to figure out where I slipped
To die may be better

Than to look you in your eyes and let you know how your actions made my heart flip
I guess I should act like I am craved out of wood and forever remain tight lip
To die may be better
Then my cup running over and you're not around to get a sip
To live is to suffer, so I try to pour out my pain to conceal this hurt
To die may be better

But I can't leave knowing my gift is your curse
You should be paid as an actor, as you dragged my feelings through the dirt
I would have loved you forever, but you wanted me to sink and I prove I could float
They ask me “Where is your father?”
My reply "It is easier to communicate with a goat!"
I am not disrespectful, but certain people cannot sail on my boat
So I start loving you from a distance
As the pain is equivalent to a knife stuck in my throat!

Temporary (un)happiness

Although I have neglected the covenant
I am willing to make a confirmation
My (un)happiness is never permanent
Or is it a fragment of my imagination?
Does my atonement deserve propitiation?
Could I lead a nation?
When I am in dire need of a physician, circumstance made me who I am
As I turned a blind eye towards divine revelation
After my resurrection, I want to reside in the firmament
I need an intercession for my benediction, as I maintain this mediation

Undeniably, I am potent with my delivery
So why does my content always get classed as a mystery?
Is it confusing like the nativity?
Or my present state of mind is nailed upon Calvary?
Like the Bible, my verses must possess longevity, existing in a spiritual realm
Where I do not have to face misery and uncertainty
My (un)happiness is always temporary
But I refuse to make life get the best of me
I was born free!
Yet I feel encaged in my destiny

Freezing time like a photograph is one thing I wish I could have done
when would I learn to absorb the moment, just like my parents did when my life had begun
I had an imaginary audience was I was young
As I detach myself from this world and I begin to grow numb
it’s like a phantom limb, like having your ten fingers without any thumb
Taking it all in minimum dosage, as I finally decided to give you some
To the carnally minded my slurps may seem dumb
But ever since my inception, it was my perception to make it out of this slum
My temporary (un)happiness may just as well explode like a bomb

Affairs of My Heart

Rare as a comet, but as real as a star
The affairs of my heart I once refused to surrender
I am far from eager to render, a love that is not tender
As only God could asunder, what he have blessed and placed together

You have already taken me higher, using an unique procedure
Your revolver have already penetrated my exterior structure
My Lover, without a doubt you are my 'Soulja'
Two souls that could only be united my JAH

This emotion is intense, as words cannot explain
Our love is so immense, that my heart can no longer contain
You have besieged my heart, for our personal gain
As I am confident that there is nothing our amity cannot sustain

My heart is in your hands, and it could be easily slain
Right now I am naked and my soul is exposed to your rain
Trust I regain, as I am submitting to your reign
Feeling like a child, now that I am in love again

Where did it when?

What I’m feeling to say is a mystery to me
Unspoken knowledge, locked away in my memory
Not knowing my inspiration, as my pen scripts these lines
Even when I’m wrong, I’m right as it came from my mind

Not knowing my own ability, frustration builds up
My pressure veins burst, I’m left unconscious
But somewhere deep in my mind I’m still awake
A spontaneous outburst and the world’s a better place

Pride comes before destruction
And in a heartbeat all my glory is taken away
Fighting to stay alive
Contemplating…
Kill or be killed!
Sinister thoughts overthrow my fears
Last man standing, conversing with death

My actions maybe wrong but my heart is in the right place
I close my eyes and pray this is a dream
Wake up and I’m alone on this corn field
Picking corn, looking for shade, burrowing my tears
Hoping this drought would end

What I’m saying to me makes no sense!
A divine intervention is the purpose of my Lent
Living in an unjust world, that will soon come to an end
All this while thinking, where the hell my emotions went?

By Being Myself

By being myself, look how far it has gotten me
By pretending, look at the pain it has caused me
By wanting to die, each day I’m alive
By wanting to be found, I continue to hide

By letting go, I continue to hold on
By feeling weak, I remain strong
By doing right, I still feel wrong
By fussing, I’ve learn to calm down

By trying to fit in, I became the oddball
By getting cripple, I was able to scale the great wall
By remaining silent, I was able to answer your call
By soaring so high, I lose energy and fall

By being myself I can’t show love as I continue to hate
By being myself I’ve learn to love myself and stop to blaming my mate
By being myself I’ve learn a lot
I know who I am and what I’m not

Without Apology

Some call me rude, aggressive and even eccentric
My allure is poetic
My flow is automatic
My words are illimatic
I AM in a trance, ignoring all ethics
It is true I have been broken but I remain bionic
I AM a Martian
I am from another planet
I AM to advance for this era
I AM viewing my life in HD, while you are still feeling X-Tatik
I AM futuristic
This comes effortlessly
It is not that hard, blame it on heuristics
Without apology
Once it gets in my veins and begins to take over my soul it becomes chaotic
It is chronic
It is like my vital supply and tunic
It keeps me going, even if you don't understand or accept it

I AM in constant battle with my nurture and my nature
So many things have worked against me
It is surprising I AM not a failure
I AM looking in the mirror and I AM seeing a stranger
Exchange my spiritual pain, for manual labor
My back is against the wall and I AM forced into the corner
I have no other choice but to evolve into the destroyer
Nobody understands me
As my pen becomes my comforter
As my words alter society's normal structure
Making the rules as i go along
I AM the President, Prime Minister and young dictator
I do this from my heart
As not even the sharpest sword could puncture
I AM like a Lycran, for my freedom
I will devour the equator
But in your eyes I AM only a troubled teenager

We tend to forget

Life lessons we tend to forget
Let down our guards and now are in regret
I should have known better, you can't trust flesh
18 years I've known you and this is the thanks I get

Ride and die I guess only apply to my side
I took off my glasses and you dug out my eye
Blinded by betrayal, I can't recover to ask you why
How could you my third eye fail me,
I didn't foresee that you wanted my life

The same dagger I gave you, you stuck in my back.
Smiled in my face, pretended to care
Snake in human form, so many told me to beware!
Changing skin, but not concealing your marks
My compassion was killed by your venomous laugh

Since you are a snake, you will always be at my feet
Stomp on your head, until your heart no longer beats
They call me the butcher and I heard you wanted beef
But I'm a vegan and I'm not about to pollute my soul with meat

My Worst Enemy

No I’m not afraid of you
A little bit of respect and you still don’t have a clue?
What’s holding me back from attacking you
it’s the same thing that can’t separate me from you

Your inner strength and my tough exterior are both good methods of defense
To strip that apart and place both our heart’s on the fence
No not happening, I don‘t think it would be
When we both show signs of weakness and will be just another memory

My worst enemy is slowly killing me
Slowly stealing my sanity
Trying her best to get rid of me
My inner walls are crumbling down
But somewhere in me I’m standing my ground

Hurtful words and senseless actions are just one of her strategies
Carousing the block, misleading the flock and bonding with enemies
Why she wants to destroy me, remains a mystery
Underlying hate, but refusing the bait is what’s keeping me
On my knees every hour begging for mercy!
Screaming out loud but still nobody hears me
Not giving up so easily
I am afraid to face this grim reality?

The Piano Man and Me

In the corner of the room
Where the sun rays could not have reached
I was hypnotize by his rhythmic pattern
As he now had my soul on a leash
By the time his fingers had touch the keys
My security system had already been breached
It was too late to resist
As he had, already played out his first music sheet

He stops for a minute and offers me a seat
"Take control..." he said, without missing a beat
My inexperienced fingers pressed gently against the keys
A little off cue, struggling at first, distracted by the mind bulging heat
He embraced me, pulling me closer, ensuring me that it was obtainable
"Help me" I confessed as the pace seemed unachievable
He complied to my demands, not taking control
But nurturing me till every inch of me became comfortable

Ring, middle, index drastically placed on black and white keys
Was a sharp contrast to the way his music was making me feel
Already in my veins, getting closer to my heart
He was still staring at me
As the windows to my soul gave into his plead
The unspoken question, "Why can't we just be?"
I looked away, hoping this emotion would flee
But as he queued up "Beautiful" "Darkie", something jolted inside of me
A constant reminder that there was no separating the Piano, Man and Me

Now the lesson was over and Hova was left at the piano
The creator of everything, but still she couldn't understand this instrument complexity
As it almost made her grovel
She tilted her head and wonder if she had used the correct shovel
She then shook her head and rose to her feet
Turned away as she could only hope his music will follow
Concealing the music sheet, she takes one more look and deeply swallows
As the corner of her eyes glimpsed a potential halo
It was far from reality, no inferiority in no way shallow
As her lazy eyes catches the rising sunrays penetrating the gloomy and resisting shadow

New Shoes

My guilty pleasures are my shoes
Jimmy Choo’s, not one pair but two
Lately I’ve lost my love for you
It’s more like a nightmare, than a dream come through
I would have done anything to preserve you and keep you brand new
I thought you were unique, special and only came in a few
Until I saw you on the feet of every girl crew

Stiletto heels all you did was cause me pain!
You drained my love bank, now my credit needs bail
Your design was perfect, but inside was like jail
I can’t believe I made my heart replace my brain
Imitation, you were nothing more than the glass slipper from the Cinderella tale
Now broken, what do I do with the pieces that remain?
Conceal it, or put my heart back up for sale?
Stay pale and continue to wail, or just accept that this love was in vain?

Red shoes in the window, you have no clue
What I would do to make you my new shoe!
My new pair, no other could compare
But you don’t want me, so all I can do is stare
Hoping you would someday care
Instead of having me walk around bare
I try to fix you and mend your tear
But you didn’t want me, you prefer others to wear

New Shoes new shoes, why hurt me so
I guess New Shoes, is time to let you go!

RuWoRtHiT

Don't be fooled by my physical size
These spectacles and what I script in these lines

Your just in the audience looking on, you don't know what I have in my mind
I need to ask myself, RuWoRtHiT the Showtime?

I'm a spiritual being and eternal life is what I'm pursuing
To throw those all away; are you the reason for my sinning?
RuWoRtHiT?
God is telling me no, but Satan has shown me a way
Where we both can be happy, but the only problem is you wouldn't be okay

You don't exist in my world, so stop trying to be part of it
Leave me alone, I don't like arguments, I'm not a violent chick
I've got my life to live, I've got big shoes to fill
This physical is a shell
You can't determine who's going to roast in the fire in hell

We don't control our destiny, at times we have to let go
Reality steps in and delivers the unjust blow
Sometimes it hurts, trust me I know
But not even you or anybody else can steal my glow
In the words of my father "There are a lot bigger issues in the world I know, but I first got to take care of the world I know."

So RuWoRtHiT?
And the answer is NO!
Unquenchable fire, my freedom and my soul!
My impetus is from above
I don't know where yours lays
I'll say a pray for you and ask the lord to light a dark way
I could go on and on, but it's still up to you
I've made my peace and I think you should too

Are you happy Hov?

As the darkness invades
I grip on to the guiding light
Who can satisfy her soul and decipher her rhyme?
“I wonder why they call you Hov?” it sounds like a chorus line
As they offer me repentance, to spend a day in her mind
I feel like a spiritual being, lost in physical time
Like being on top mount Everest but I never made that climb
The object of obscurity, how do you expect me to be kind?
Sincere as they get, but their selfish desires have made them blind

Rachael’s my neighbor and Ramah is her home
With weeping and mourning, how can you ask me, “Are you happy Hov?”
Gnashing of teeth and with sorrows that show
How can I spread my wings, soar and grow?
Staring at my feet, yet not feeling low
You can turn off the lights, but never out her inner glow
It doesn’t matter the direction in which the wind may blow
I wondered lonely as a cloud and refusing to go with the flow

As hell and destruction are both never filled
So are my urges to consume this addictive liquid pill
The flowers have already withered and I have written my last will
The waters may be still, but it erodes even the toughest of hill
I have loaded the rifle and forsaken my Braille, as my life is not my own
Exhausting, like a never ending drill
Trotting this valley of decision, I could be easily killed
Until Shiloh comes, I may never learn too chill

We fall down... But we get up

This close to putting my Christianity in my back pocket, along with my spirituality
Could scream f**k the world and the music industry
Rip the stars of my hand and sacrifice my individuality
Wonder if JAH would grant me this amnesty
Or just stand there and deny me my moment of clarity
My heart is overwhelmed and I am starting to question my sanity
What more can flesh do to me?
I stared at him stoically
As the words left his tongue, it shattered my immortality
F**k love!
Save me the uncertainty

Or am I just enslaved by my many idiosyncrasies?
Constantly haunted by many insecurities
Coded scriptures and secret societies
Revelation 17:17
Place my head in my palm and ponder about my destiny
Would sips from this green bottle guarantee me a form of serenity?
As the tear left my eyes uncle Donnie give me the perfect remedy
“For the just man falleth seven times”
A small price to pay for wanting to live for an eternity!

iSmile

I am illuminated
I search the heart of men with my third eye
I wish I could paint a perfect picture of these things I spy
In the spiritual realm iSmile, in the physical I cry
Constructing pyramids and configuring money schemes in my dreams until I die
I may never reach my zenith but I at least I tried
I have been growing my wings ... In time I would fly!

I soar high, but I am not afraid to lose my wings and drop from these skies
iSmile similar to Mona Lisa's smile
A smirk to cover the greatest lie I ever told ... “iZaki is alright!”
Give me a microphone and turn on these stage lights
But it is becoming a little too bright in here, all this glare is making me lose sight!

I am far from reality
iSmile at my enemies
How could I bless those that wrongly persecute me?
I am growing tired of her solitary tendencies, weary of her harmonies
A voice that once motivated me has me questioning my ability

iCare ... iSwear I am moved by her melodies
I hate how you are making me feel presently
You know that I am scared of lonely
My presence is a gift, iSmile for this pain would not last an eternity
iSmile at the thought that we could exist in beyond and infinity
I strongly believed I am not from this galaxy
Over powered by my sensitivity, iSmile as I am comforted by Christianity

I am different , I am foreign
iSmile because I am unorthodox
iLaugh at my foolish paradox
Inside my mind holds knowledge similar to that of Pandora's Box!
My mind is sharp like a razor, as my thoughts could get you cut

Love = Pain

He told me “With a little patience, you could have everything you want…”
But I’m still stuck on stupid and keep bleeding love
Already threw in the towel and taken of my mask and glove
Keep reminiscing about the kisses and the hugs
I’m losing my wings and dropping from above
I want to live forever, through my verses and my songs
But I prefer affection over perfection
So every time you hear my voice
It would haunt your subconscious and your emotions it would taunt

Not an ounce of emotion left within me
So I can’t tell you how much I love you
I watch you next to me and unsure if too run or embrace you
I know that I don’t hate you
As every time I need a shoulder to cry on it’s you I lean too
Continue to inspire me but yet still you’re a tad ungrateful
So I pretend not too care and turn a deaf ear to every ‘rumor’ that I hear
Egoistically like my facilities are not intact and don’t have a blue’s clue!
But deep down inside I’m willing to sacrifice every and anything to be with you

I keep bleeding love, even if it kills me
So addicted to the mic and constantly writing our way into history
We start neglect each other, emotionally
So we f$%k with so much passion, as we could no longer could stand the pain physically
Is not that we don’t love we
But we are so caught up in our dreams, we don’t want to accept the reality
That we have already bonded in the spirit and are responsible for each other’s spirituality
Both wanting someone to keep us humble in this industry
Accepting extraordinary, rejecting inferiority!
So why can’t we just be we, and grow old in each other’s company?

Blank Page

He’s just another blank page in my book
Waiting for me to leave my mark
Another one trapped by my bright smile
And slowly realizes my mind is equally as dark
Claims he loves my intelligence
And I fit perfectly with his street smarts
He’s another victim to my mind games
 And can’t tell if this is the end or did we even start
Seduced by my antics and captivated by my words
Life with me is no ordinary run in the park
Chased by pitbulls, stumbling on pebbles and boulders
He’s getting fit to hold my heart
But I refuse too even let him hold my hand
Blowing out his fire every time he achieves a spark
How do I let him know this vessel is empty, broken, as I alone must walk this path!

Unknowingly to him I am a stranger
As he has fallen in love with Lucy Grey
Feelings blocked by another ego
Refusing to activate my emotions as my blood fades to gray
I have not the patience of a lion and he is just another innocent prey
One that I must devour
But I rather starve my hunger, and leave this grasshopper to go his merry way
Now that Zakiya is safely tuck away
Painted faces appear resulting in an unfair play
Poetic injustice mixed with monetary gains
I pretend that I am happy in his arms I reluctantly lay
I make him believe he has me figured out and I am not left with much to say
My mother already approves of our involvement
But she can’t save him from judgment day

Unlimited love he gives me
Golden respect he shows me
Yet I am undeserving
He’s everything I wanted not, as not even his physical is appealing
Reminds me much of ‘Remember Me Not’*
Because of her he will be forever hurting
Blame me not as my mind is made up and my heart is already sleeping
I am the bad guy not filled with love
Should have just said no from the beginning
Riddle me not he wants me to stop
As he finds my beauty overwhelming
I face him not as tears build up
My fingers articulately express my the way I am feeling
I love him not and I want him to stop
As my heart beat drops leaving him cold and shaking

*’Remember Me Not’ is a calypso sang by Megan Walrond

Float On

…And I float on…

Most days’ heaven sounds nice
I stare for the crack, for you to take this burden call life
My soul is vexed as nothing feels right
Uncomfortable in my own bed, another struggle for me tonight
Six pills and suddenly I could deal with life
Supposed to be a fearless being, but my sensitivity may get me smite
I get caught up in her pain, as my heart feels light
I never knew a platonic relationship could be this tight

…And I float on…

Like a leaf in the wind
In the back of my mind I hear whispers as my vision gets dim
Uneasy in my thoughts, I reluctantly stick around for this unforgiving swing
Eventually I know I would perish, in this life plagued by sin
The hero needs saving, as the world just watches me sink
"Trust not in flesh Kiya, as they rot and they stink"
"They would force their odor on you, as their stench would chase you to your brink"
But “Be still and know that I AM God and from MY SPIRIT continue to drink”

…And I float on…

With an earthly and majestic being, as I float on
I wonder if we could make it too Pandora?
Open your heart and create our own utopia
If only you could see it through my eyes and experience my euphoria
Until my eggs pass through my fallopian tube and binds with your sperm in my womb
May only then I’ll be cured of this phobia

…And I float on… 

Ah hear ah rhythm

Ah hear ah rhythm that gives me liberation; ah hear ah rhythm that could ease my frustration
When I hold my meditation; It takes over my soul and makes a divine connection.
Ah could hear the heavenly drums as the chantuals harmonize in unison,
It penetrates the skies as we pay homage to our ancestors
Till the sun rise, all I hear is the sound of the jimbay, that energize our celebration
It is a contagious vibration, like a spare in our hand we restlessly defend our tradition
That is easily being overthrown by this foreign sensation and this unnecessary form of malfunction
Now my people uneasy they weary and just can’t function
But ah hear ah rhythm that could stifle that very provocation and project that true ancient rhythm of my ailing nation.

I beat on the goat skim day and night, as every thump expresses my joy.
This rhythm strengthens me like the bois boy and I stand fearless on the floor.
It becomes one with my heartbeat and takes my soul on ah tour.
Ah hear ah rhythm that takes me to the heavens and like an eagle I sore,
It purges the pain from my spirit as every broken heart gets cure.
This rhythm moves me and grooves me and has become a part of my allure
As I am not afraid to flaunt this rhythm like a fashionable couture
So I point to the drummer and tell him gimme ah rhythm ….play meh more play meh more.

Ah cah control meh feet, I get over powered by this invoking beat,
I get numb to the elements and resistant to the heat.
This rhythm that I am hearing pushes me through the streets
I get caught up in a trance for an entire week,
Living proof, that this rhythm that I am hearing is far from weak.
I’m losing sleep, as this energetic rhythm removes all that is bleak.
It romances my soul, as I recite every pattern with my fingers and feet.
I want to scream to the world how this rhythm enticing and sweet.
It unmasked my spirit and in my veins it runs deep.
Ah hear ah rhythm so joyous it makes the heavens and the earth meet.

This rhythm is our sound of music that is unique and inviting,
Every Tambo bamboo band, rhythm section, pan player keeps our people moving.
As we beat on the iron, we come alive when is jouvert.
Carnival, Best Village is the rhythm of my people; festivals that are uniting.
Is to see every man woman and child experience ultimate freedom and an unspoken uprising.
Calypso Soca and Chutney is that invoking rhythm that I have been hearing.
The drum call relaxing, the lyrics inciting; is to witness the magic of that rhythm and the powers unleashing
The thing about life we have one chance and no rehearsing
Ah hear a Trinibago rhythm that is forever calling; so I can’t help but answer this rhythm that is so soothing
Ah hear ah rhythm that could heal my nation and give us as a people new meaning

Determination is a hell of a thing!

Salutations… 

Hope this blog reaches everyone in cheerful spirits and if not ya better cheer up before I bite ya! :)

I’m sitting here behind my desk waiting on some people to do something and they moving like ya know .. We have whole day! Lol Anyway sitting here alone with thy thoughts my mind started to drift. (This happens a lot ... Lol ). Randomly I began to think about my younger days... Growing up in 'country' and how I loved to climb trees and kick ball. Ahh the sweet memories of football!! It was indubitably my first love and at a point I saw myself ‘playing football’ for a living. Mummy invested and I was to be a 'great footballer!' Lol

Firstly let me say for years I was the only girl that played on my team; I trained as hard as the other boys (I had to train hard to make uniform lol) and played even harder when we had games! (I had to play hard as I wanted to play in the next match lol I was the only girl yo!). I always loved attention (shameless face) and worked hard to be a forward! However my coach would always place me at midfield! Of course I was angry but being humble since in my childhood days, I would play the position and not fuss!

When he drafted me to a girl team I was convinced that I would be a forward! I mean after all I was 'very tough!' I believe football had a lot to do with "misplaced" rage and "toughness" Lol. (Wonder where I going ent? Lol keep reading you'll be enlightened). In time I would realize football is a lot about discipline and intelligence. So here I was for the first time 'training' and 'playing' with ‘my kind’. Positions were being handed out and lo and behold I was given the left winger position. Oh boy I was angry! I wanted to 'strike' dammit! Lol

Long story short I never got a striker role and stayed at the back to help with the defense and carry the ball forward. After every game I was praised for my defensive work on the field as my coach would occasionally say to the club managers “Zaki doh give up when she loose that ball. She was determined that nobody will pass her! And if they did she will chase them down and never give up!"

Now it clicked (So I pull the BB and start writing lol). This determination I now have towards my personal and professional life was way present before I had knowledge to know what 'determination' was!

At times I get discouraged and really do feel like giving up. Like all my work is going unnoticed and everything I do is just in vain. This is when I would hear my 'outta determination' (as I call it lol) which took the form of my best buddy Megan Walrond in the back of my mind say “Doh ever give up Zaki…Keep fighting! You have to take win" Let me say this... Megz is a very 'Determined' young lady!

I meet Kerry John back stage at a show a few months ago and he was like "You still writing?" And I just smiled. He replied “Doh give up Zaki... Keep writing" Orlando Octave gave me the best advice ever! He once told me "Is ok to push... but never to force! Believe in yourself and keep pushing! Don't ever give up!"

These 3 upcoming artistes and others such as Erphaan Alves, social media marketing genius Kenyon Champion, my cousin who is in another country 'all alone' studying to be a doctor and my mother's entire life story… I see determination in them! And they inspire me :)

So to every upcoming writer, artiste, lawyer, doctor, model or doubles vendor, whoever you are and whatever you do or dream of becoming, don't ever give up on ya dreams and aspirations! I know the journey is long and weary, but be determined to rise above adversity, disappointments and failures! It's not about the amount of time one falls, but how often one is determined to pick themselves’ back up and get back on course!

Success would not exist if it wasn't for failure (I'll blog about this at a later date lol) It’s all about ya will power yo! So where did the real inspiration come from to write this blog!!??!! Synergy Soca Star Lein Styles! I have known Lein back when he was Squeely Dan and to me he has been trying 'forever!' He has been booed down, taken advantage of, robbed (the list goes on and on). I know about people that told him to his face to “Quit on Soca!' Seeing him now well advanced in age and 'ripping' up Synergy TV’s Soca Star Stage week after week made me exclaim “Determination is a hell of a thing!”

Win lose or draw, he's already a winner in my books for never quitting! Take a listen of his songs here: Ah missin it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WE0IToz-ZOw and Carnival Time: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHGkpU2UtaA&feature=related

Keep Pushing

iZaki

Jehovah Jireh (The Lord shall provide I shall not be in want!)

Hello and Greetings,

I hope this blog meets you in good spirits if not you better hug ya self and know that you're loved!!! :p It's 2:13 in the am and I am very much awake! Just ended a very interesting BB conversation that give me an epiphany (no it didn't inspired this blog lol ). So what did... Why can't I sleep??!!

Uncertainty….

I hate uncertainty ...it irks me... Lol! To me let your yes be yes and your no be no... Don't give me a ‘maybe’. I was given a 'maybe' a few weeks ago and I brought those emotions that were attached to that 'maybe’ into the New Year.

It's not a life and death' maybe'… Well depends how you look at it, it could be considered one! In short I should be worried about that 'maybe!' Lol There is something about not knowing and being unsure scares me! iZaki who claims to be a 'fearless' being still gets paranoid when I am unsure how something would end! Why should I be??!! Life is uncertain ... It never turns out the way you plan anyway!!!

Then again the earth's is the Lord's and the fullness thereof... Nothing bigger than God! Why should I be fearful when HE is GOD and I am his child? He's ordered my steps and knows the secrets of my heart! Before my inception he had already shaped my destiny. HE is in control, HE is omnipresent and omnipotent, an incorruptible and unchanging God! The same God of Moses Abraham and Elijah is the same God of iZaki. He created us to be fearless... For we are 'fearfully and wonderfully made', so comforting :)

I said to myself... 'Self have you ever observed the beast of the field and the fowls of the air?!' Self responded 'well duh Kiya ... What you think?!! Then it clicked ...we are HIS most important creation and if God feeds the birds of the air and beast of the fields, then his hands are not shortened that they can't feed us! I am sure a bird never worries where it next meal is coming from.

A bird doesn’t have a spirit of uncertainty. We need to adopt a 'bird mentality’ (not the meaning bird have taken in Trini dialect eh *rolls eyes*). If we were all to walk by faith and believe it shall be done for his name sake then more energy could be focus on 'other stuff. I don't have much to share on this topic but all I know is that if we pattern our lives after a bird (Trust God) we will survive by 'having faith' for a lack of a term that, Jehovah Jireh, The Lord would provide, I shall not be in want!

Be strong and of good courage. 

Better Days are coming.

iZaki